although I love...

I love music

I love milk duds
I love taking pictures
I love summer
I love the color black
I love my friends
I love it when I wake up too early, so I can go back to bed
I love having people talking to me
I love being at festivals
I love doing nothing
I love making other people happy
I love laughing
I love making thing
I love being good/great or best at something
I love my family
-there are a lot of things I love , but
I want the special one to love...

I am in U.S.A, the big of the big, the "best" og the "best", the mighty og the mighty...

Over 306 million people, and I feel alone. I am doing exactly what over 100.000.000 other people do to, live my life on the Internet. I blog, I have two blogs, I have a Facebook, MySpace, Hotmail messenger and Skype. I'm all out there, if anyone wanted to find me, it would take them just 4 seconds, but nobody is looking for me. No one. Zero. Nadie. Ingen...

Why can't I say what I want and what I feel about someone when I do feel something special?

Is it too much to ask when all I want is just a someone, a someone to like me back...?

I cannot stand the way you tease
I love you though you hurt me so
-Ed Cobb

H A T E

Hostility
Antripathy
Truth
Execration

Today I saw myself on video and it was sooo depressing, I wanted to cry.
I don't like seeing myself, but watching myself and realize how bad or how ugly you look, while 20 other kids are watching you too. They all saw how terrible, how ugly, how extremely bad I look.
I hate just about everything about myself, absolutly everything. And I hate the fact that I hate it, because I think it's really selfcentered to be so upset about yourself.
And is it really that bad , I wish that it was true that how I see myself is different than people see me. That what I see isn't really the true me.
HATE. I HATE everything about myself. Soo fat, so small, so happy. so small eyes, pointy nose, a face so big and round, too big of a butt, too big thighs, too fat leggs, too short arms and they're too fat, and my stomach. Don't even get me started, everything is wrong with that one, and everything attached to it. Hips, boobs, back. Holy! It's all wrong...
But, luckily, I can still reach the ground..

IT SUCKS.


I HATE IT.

I hate, therefore I am
I am, therefore I hate
- Marilyn Manson

When we were young...

Don't you miss the time when you were young and didn't care about a thing...




Well, I'm not that old, it's just that I'm thinking way too much now. Wish I did this, wish I didn't to that, I wish I said that, wish I held my mouth shot at that point.... There's always something you wish you could change and there are some things I wish I didn't know.
So if I could be 5 again, and do it all over it would be so much easier (I hope).
Anyone know what I'm talking about, or am I the only one confused?


I'm only 17 years old, and I'm not supposed to know everything, be good at everything and be super confident in everything I do, I want to know evrything, be good at everything and confident, but nobody expect me to be the next Ghandi. And I don't know everything, I can't even place the 50 states in America, but I'm 17, aren't I suppose to know that?
Wouldn't it be nice to be young and don't give a f... about everybody and everything.


When I was 5 my biggest consern was "will I be able to read before school starts"
I didn't have to care about money, clothes, food, friends, love or education. Back then was the time when you really lived one day at the time. (Or maybe one week if you had a sleepover at grandma's).

What would you change if you could change anything in your own life? Anything?

I would change just about everything, I would totally change everything that have made me who I am... Although I DO love my friends and family, but I'm a human being and selfish as other humans and I believe that I could have a better life right now if I had changed some of my choises.Happy to be 17 years old

time sure flies
when your havin' fun
i wish i walked through life
but i chose to run
- Shifty

I wanna be famous, I wanna be a star, I wanna be in movies ...

Do you know what you wanna be when you grow up?
I've asked my mom, she doesn't know yet, I've asked my friends, they don't really know, we all got hopes and dreams, but only a few people in the world know what they want to do when they're young.
When I was younger I wanted to be a police officer, then I wanted to be a firefighter and then math teacher.

Now I really don't know.

I wanna be rich and happy. I wanna travel all over, see everything that is to see. I want people to look up to me. I want to make other people happy. I want to help. I want to do what Nigel Barker does, or Janice Dickinson, Karl Lagerfeld. I wanna take cool, new fresh photos, like Mario Testino, Mario Sorrenti, and Juergen Teller.
I want to take pictures of things that really matter. I wanna take pictures of feelings. Not just a person smiling, we all get that it's suppose to be happy, but I wanna take pictures that make you feel something. If you could look at a picture I've taken and be angry, sad or happy, you'd be my hero. If a picture makes you giggle, drop a tear, or just makes you stop and stare, I would be so proud that I can't explain it.

I wish I was great at... someting. It doesn't really matter what, just something I'm good at. So great that people from all over saw things I've done and they would say "Wow, she's good!"

How come some people know what they want to do when they're like 10 years old? Somebody just know that they want to be a doctor, a teacher, an accoundant. Somebody just know. And the you have those who gets an education for something, but end up doing something totally different.

Can somebody please tell me how I can figure out what I want to do?

Will I look for the same things in a woman that I dig in a girl?
Will I settle down fast or will I first wanna travel the world?
Now I'm young and free, but how will it be
When I grow up to be a man?
- The beach boys

Not just another blog.. I hope...

You might think this is some kind of porn kind of blog because of my blog description and the pictures on the right, but it's not, at all. Not even close, or I might talk about different sexual things, but it's not going to be a porn side.

This blog is my thoughtful blog. With some of the stuff that's spinning around in my head.
Everything from body image, life and death, meaningless sex, music, friends and family, war, fake or popular people and fashion to love, hate and how people/celebrities can have an influence on different things...

Anyway, it's my blog and if you think it's a waste of time doing this you can stop reading. But if you think my stuff is interesting, funny, stupid or if you think my head is messed up, let me know, please? I would really like it if people can tell me what's spinning around in their heads too.

A little bit about me, if you don't know anything yet. Well I'm a girl from Norway who currently lives in Stoughton, Wisconsin. In Norway I went to a media kind of school, but now I'm taking last year of high school. I still haven't figured out what I want to do in my life, I haven't found that one thing that I'm good at. My big dream though, is to make a living out of photography. I wanna take pictures that matter, pictures of feelings, pictures that makes people go "Wow!"...

Hm, well that was my first post on this blog. Hopefully the next posts are gonna be more interesting and funnier for you to read.

Enjoy